yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
