Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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