Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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