come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
