somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
