i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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