Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
