This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
