Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize