I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
