just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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