im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
