Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
