Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
