would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
