One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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