Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
