At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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