I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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