So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
