I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
