I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
