Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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