Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
