You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this hospital has no fireball
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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