The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
