i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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