I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Shame - the story of my life.
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