My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize