Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
