I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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