is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
