if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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