Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
