My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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