Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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