The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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