For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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