I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want to fling myself into the sun
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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