Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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