no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
