I'm so fucking centered right now
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
