I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
