LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
