he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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