dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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