hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
