why didn't you poke me back
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
