Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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