her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
