If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I AM VODKA MAN
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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