Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
