need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just found puke in my bra..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize