somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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