i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
there is glitter all over my balls
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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