just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
