First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
