The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
