It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize