tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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