If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
