fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
