have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
