You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
