My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I could have mohawked her pubes.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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