you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
