I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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