alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
