their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
