do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
