Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My vagina just recognized that song.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
