we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
