You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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