she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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