Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My liver is preforming stress tests.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
