You're a womanizer and a bitch.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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