??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
