If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
