his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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