Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize