She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
