he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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