Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
