I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
