im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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