Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
