is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize