I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
