You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
