i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
