Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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