I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
