Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
