spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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