rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
