I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
