Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
