i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
