I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
