Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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