i don't like sucking hair
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
