She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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