I wannas sexs uuuuu
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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