i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
